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Weinisa! This rocker is turning 16 soon & being on time is what I can never achieve. :B Boy at heart though trying to be more charboh-like. >:D Archives Part One. Part Two. Part Three. Part Four. Part Five. December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 credits Jane |
Wednesday, October 8, 2008 @ 5:53 PM
Exams, torment, confessions.  Exams exams exams! The torment is finally coming to a pause before beginning soon again next year with a bloody vengence. I dont want to give up my pure sciences. I know I can make it through! If I move into a one-room flat & stay far away from my Amah, Dog & my sister. Shit shit shit! Today's Amaths paper was a total mistake! I never read through my textbook. Swearing never works but I did during the cursed paper. I left the whole binomal theorem question blank which means I lost 10marks already. Next were the x-cube functions, I couldnt find its factor so I gave up that question which was worth 5marks. I cant forgive myself for the injustice I have done to myself. Its Amaths to me. Its Amaths, the subject I got awarded full marks for the first common test. So much humiliation! Torment torment torment! I felt so bad, I cried bits & pieces. The first time I actually felt bad & shed tears for an exam. Remember oh! I dont cry so easily.& to think my mum have put so much hope on me. I repaid everything great thing she has done for me with bad grades, bad attitude & a whole plane load of trouble. Sister sister sister! Please have a higher EQ! Dog dog dog! Please stop having to let me have bad memories of my teenage days. Please. I really cannot take it anymore. Everytime I think of people having happy families, I cant help but just cry. In the past, when my mother hadnt remarried, I used to think that I had to count my blessings & think about other people's family background. My mother asked me once when I was in P2, "Do you feel sad for having only one parent?" & when I go "No, Im should be happy. I know that there will always be other people who deserve more than me right now." she cried. Well, at least hes leaving home for 3 weeks, I wonder why it hadnt been sooner so I could at least mug for my End Of Years so I wouldnt feel so much regret now. I remember the pain my mum & I had to go through in the past. Then I think about all the attention A* used to give me & I cant help but smile. He made me feel that I was wanted in this world, for once. Now when I want to mention about all the crap stuff, nobody understands about all of this. Sometimes when I want to change the topic its just because I want to avoid all the drama. In actual fact, no one really wants to know about sad things because they know they cannot do anything about it. They feel helpless inside. Thats how you feel right now. Thats how I feel right now. Tired. & really drained. I DONT FUCKING DESERVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have never felt so tired in my life. I dont want to cry like this anymore. In the night, sleepy, tired & all alone. |