Weinisa!

This rocker is turning 16 soon & being on time is what I can never achieve. :B
Boy at heart though trying
to be more charboh-like. >:D


Archives

Part One.
Part Two.
Part Three.
Part Four.
Part Five.
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009

credits

Jane
Thursday, February 19, 2009 @ 6:56 PM
I'm only but one big fat failure.

-Warning, this is a lengthy useless & lame(to you) rant post-
Never felt this way before but Im so fucking stressed up with every damn thing. Im annoyed/angry/pissed/disappointed/exhausted/frayed/feeling stupid/at a loss & having a headache at this current shit moment.

Can someone just tell me WHAT TO DO?!?! How I can solve my ALL my Physics questions? How I can decipher all the Chinese characters I have never seen in my damn life? What can I do to stop being so ADD & be more fucking focused to what I dont understand?! Explain to me what are all the friendship rules & regulations straight to my face so I can refrain myself from breaking them un-fucking-intentionally!!? What the hell is wrong with me?!

I screwed my Bio test, my Chem test, my Geog test & prolly my MT test. Why am I putting too much pressure onto myself this time?? So much so I can feel it crawling & forcing my head down?? Or is it because of all my relatives telling me that I have to do well so that my mum will live a better life, apart from all of this?????? And that my education is so important that it is more important than my damn hellshit life????????????

THAT I CAN JUST FUCKING JUMP OFF THE CLIFF & NO ONE WILL GIVE TWO HOOTS ABOUT THIS SOUL ONCE THERE ARE ALL As?!!!! & THAT I CAN KILL MYSELF ONCE I DONT??? & that these tears the stress is initiating & all the emotions Im going through are part & parcel of the service Im supposed to render to the family? And no other living human being would bother to save me & ask about how I feel?

I've totally lost my originality, creativity & the organ to express myself properly without a stutter. WHO ON EARTH AM I NOW?!?!?????

In the past, I'll be happy I passed. Now a just pass feels like a knife squeezed with lemon seared through the layers of fats & muscle of the heart. Even worse, the grinning of others who get better marks than me who spend less time studying. What happened to all the HAPPY-GO-LUCKYness of it all?

Conclusion: Am I really such a stupid person whom they say "study or never study also the same"?? Can someone help me? The minority who will read through all this shit & give me a hug & who will go through whatever it takes to make me feel at ease again?
-end of long rant post-

Labels: